Friendship is a wonderful gift.
However, I bet you would agree that there are seasons where making and keeping friends is so much easier. You spend the first part of your life in school, surrounded by peers with the same schedule. It is ripe for building friendships. Then young adulthood throws in a wrench on friendships. You find yourself balancing more responsibilities and schedules that do not easily line up with others. So, what once came so easy, you begin to have to work for, but friendships are life giving. You need these people by your side through celebrations, trials and just everyday life. And I want to tell you a secret, these friends don’t have to live geographically near you!
I want to share a little bit about my long distance friend group. Growing up in Richmond, VA, when it came time for college I wanted to venture out of the state. Kansas State University is where I landed, one of the best decisions of my life! I’m not going to lie; it was very difficult going so far away from home and knowing no one, but it was worth it.
My first semester I got involved in a freshman Bible study with a group of girls. This is where my story begins. For the next four years, this group was my tribe. A deep friendship was cultivated through shared experiences and beliefs. When we started to graduate and part ways geographically, we weren’t ready to let go of this support group. It’s been over 8 years since our group has shared the same locality. But we are still very close despite living in 5 different states. In my next blog, I’ll share some of the practical ways we make this happen. For now I want to share the heart behind why are friendship continues to thrive.
For long distance friendships to flourish, you need a few things.
Unity
There’s gotta be shared values and beliefs that bring you together. A unity on things that are most important to you in life that are circumstantial. Having this core connection that survives different seasons of life is crucial. For me, our group is brought together mainly by our shared Christian faith. If our friendship was purely surrounded by our connection as college girls, the friendship would have faded by now because we have moved through different life stages on different timetables.
Commitment
There must be a mutual commitment to keeping the friendship alive. If you are going from an in-person to long distance friendship, you lose those built-in in-person visits that can often sustain a friendship. Now everything has to be so much more intentional. But let’s be honest, behind every friendship is commitment, so it really isn’t all that different. Friendship is built on the commitment to be there for each other, to listen, to support, to not give up, to be patient, to forgive, to correct. Everyone needs to be committed to the friendship for it to survive and thrive.
Realistic expectations
When you move from an in-person friendship to a long distance friendship, you have to set realistic expectations. You once had similar schedules that allowed for weekly dinners and shared activities. Now they are conflicting and full of new responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean the friendship has to end. You need a level of understanding that things are not going to be the same. Letting go of those high expectations frees you to prolong your friendship. It’s a friendship that can pick up where it left off, no matter how long it has been.
Enjoy the moments
Don’t think about all the time you don’t get to spend with one another. Instead enjoy all the moments you do get! Be thankful and present for the time you get together. From the quick texts to actual in-person visits and everything in between, each time of communication can be cherished and enjoyed. With this change of perspective there is flexibility in the friendship to bend and not break.
Long distance friendship is possible
You can have long distance friendships with unity, commitment, realistic expectations and enjoyment of the moments. However, friendship is not a one way street, so you all have to adopt this heart and mindset. It can be hard work to establish and maintain friendships whether they live close or far away, but again I say it is worth it! Especially building strong friendships that are there when you face something unexpected. Having people that I could go to as I processed Harper’s Down syndrome diagnosis, where I knew I didn’t have to hide my feelings or thoughts was absolutely priceless. So, go work on developing and cultivating deep friendships, your life will be better for it!
Stay tuned for my next blog! I will share some practical tips on how to keep up with your long distance friendships.
