“Did you know?” It’s a question I often get after talking about my daughter who has Down syndrome. People are curious if we had a prenatal diagnosis or an at-birth diagnosis. I guess it’s like my origin story into the world of Down syndrome.
With sophisticated testing options, it is becoming more common to know during pregnancy if a child has Down syndrome. So, people are a little surprised to hear that we had an at-birth diagnosis. And there seems to be this overwhelming vibe that prenatal is better because you get time to digest the diagnosis before the baby is born.
But for me, I’m really thankful for Harper’s at-birth Down syndrome diagnosis.
A typical first pregnancy
Harper is my firstborn. My first pregnancy. And I got to enjoy a typical pregnancy experience. Filled with normal aches and pains, but also filled with joyful expectancy. I was free to dream about this little girl’s future, her potential was endless. And it was a delightful experience.
Without pregnancy complications, I was able to easily work full time. I even traveled for work at 30 weeks pregnant. And that trip was one of my career highlights. Balancing work and pregnancy felt doable and it gave me confidence as a working mom.
All the pregnancy advice felt applicable and I could relate. I felt normal. And I’m just really thankful for this pregnancy experience because once the diagnosis became a reality it placed me on a totally unexpected motherhood path.
The grieving process
When you receive a life-altering diagnosis there is a grieving process. And it’s odd because although I was holding my beautiful baby in my arms, I still lost something. The dreams I had for my baby girl felt snatched away. And I felt all these conflicting emotions of sadness and joy, bitterness and thankfulness.
For me, I found it easier to let go while holding my squishy, happy baby in my arms. I was able to see that I was still a normal mom doing normal mom things like feeding, changing diapers, and being sleep-deprived. I was able to tangibly see that I had not lost everything, but in fact, had gained a special gift.
Down syndrome is a gift
In those early days, I never thought I would be able to get here. But I now realize that Down syndrome has given me way more than it took away. I know I’m a better mother because of the lessons I’ve learned from parenting Harper.
My empathy for others as they encounter their own unexpected journeys has grown. I see that life is valuable apart from abilities or accomplishments. I’m thankful that Harper reminds me to focus on the things that really matter in life.
“Did you know?” No, I had no idea that Harper had Down syndrome before she was born. But I also had no idea the gift I was given with that diagnosis. And even though there are days when it is really hard, I can still say that I’m thankful.
Look at that little tinyyyy babyyyy Harper is so grown up now!
I know!