As I dressed Harper in the toddler-sized leotard and tights, pulling her hair into a tight high ponytail, my heart lept with excitement. Harper would be attending her first dance class.
When we learned that Harper would be a girl on that brisk December day, when she was still safely growing in my womb, dreams of dance class began. Growing up I took numerous dance classes, it is how I spent a lot of my time as a kid and teenager. So, it was easy for me to imagine my daughter spinning, leaping, and shuffling around. I could picture the slicked-back buns, glitter, and elaborate costumes.
But when we received her Down syndrome diagnosis at birth, it felt like my dreams were put on hold. It took time to get used to our new reality and understand what our life would look like. And anyways she was just a baby, so my focus was on meeting her around-the-clock needs.
Dancing dreams
And then as she grew, we saw a bubbling personality form. One that loves music and movement. And the dream of dance class started to bloom again.
But I was nervous because as a parent of a child with a disability, there is always a little extra layer of anxiety when we start something new. A million little questions arise. Will Harper be able to fully participate or will she just be on the sidelines? Is the environment safe and containing, so she can’t easily run away? Will she be a burden to her teacher or peers? Are the good parts of the experience going to outweigh the hard parts?
So, when an opportunity came to send Harper to an afternoon dance camp at the studio I grew up going to, I jumped on it. Because I could set us up for success as much as possible. First, it was a small commitment, just one afternoon. It felt manageable and a great introduction to the activity. Second, I knew the layout and the dance teacher because it was where I spent countless hours as a kid and teen. I knew the setup would be a safe environment for Harper. Plus, I planned on staying with her the whole time to provide any extra support she might need.
Dance class is fun
But I still felt antsy as the time arrived to go. Because I am well aware that there is so much out of my control. A lesson I keep learning over and over again. But I know who is in control. And I believe that God cares deeply for people and that gives me a lot of peace when facing even something as little as attending a dance camp with my daughter.
As I expressed my concerns out loud through prayer and reaching out to another special needs mom, I could feel the anxiety being released. Naming those fears stopped the ruminating process and brought me back to reality. A few more deep breaths and I could focus on the truth. This dance class is purely for fun. And a disability does not take away the ability to have fun.
Just like any other child
So, we made our way to the dance studio and her eyes lit up as she saw the full wall of mirrors and slick wood floors. But she insisted that I come out on the dance floor with her. And it was a delightful experience to be out on that dance floor with my daughter seeing her be introduced to an activity that I loved so much as a kid. (And still do!)
A little shy at first, but as the music and movement continued, Harper really started to shine. She was vocalizing her approval of the music choice. And excitedly moving her body across the floor with pure joy. I can see her enjoying a regular dance class. And that gives me hope for her future that she will be able to participate in and enjoy activities just like any other child.
