Harper’s birth story

I would classify myself as a planner. I like to be prepared, so things can go smoothly. To ready ourselves for our first baby, we took a birthing class, toured the hospital, filled out preliminary paperwork and then just waited. I didn’t have an elaborate birth plan. Honestly my pregnancy had been very uneventful and while I expected pain I really thought I would have an uneventful labor and delivery experience.

Everything started off fine. I went into labor on my own in the comfort of my home and after several hours Luke and I decided it was time to head to the hospital. I got checked in and I continued to progress over the next few hours.

The doctor came in for a routine check and all of the sudden everything changed. Harper’s heart rate was dropping dangerously and she needed to come out right away. Before I knew it they were wheeling me into the OR and soon after Harper was born.

They let me see her for just a few minutes before whisking her away to the NICU. I didn’t get to hold my baby girl. That iconic moment of placing the baby in the mother’s arms right after delivery was not mine to have and it hurt. I was so scared, confused and quite honestly in shock of what just happened. Where was the joy that everyone spoke of?

My nurses were amazing and took good care of this brand new mama. They brought me pictures of her and checked on her for me until I was able to go myself. In the wee hours of the morning, they wheeled me down for a longer visit with my baby. It was hard to see my baby girl attached to many monitors with oxygen and a feeding tube.

Then the unknowns poured in. What was really going on? How long was she going to stay? We were so exhausted and we didn’t know what questions to ask.

A doctor asked Luke if we had any genetic testing done during the pregnancy and if anything had been off. He said no and they kind of beat around the bush to tell him that he thought Harper might have Down syndrome. The doctors were split in their opinions, so they went ahead and ordered the test. Honestly, I was so exhausted and had no energy to even really worry. I chose to not look up anything. I wanted to just wait for the results.

We were sitting in our room on the day we were to be discharged from the hospital and already knew at that point we would be leaving without Harper. There was a knock at the door and the NICU doctor, along with a nurse came in. Our hearts sank. They shared that the results came in and Harper has Down syndrome. Tears started to flow, Luke squeezed my hand. They didn’t tell us all the scary things, just told us the diagnosis and asked if we had questions and if we would like to be connected with resources in the area.

The next few hours were spent sitting next to Luke in an oversized armchair, holding hands tightly as my doctor, other nurses and staff came to visit us to see how we were doing. They were so gracious in their responses. I know this is not everyone’s experience and I pray that when people get the diagnosis it is more like this. We were told people with Down syndrome live full lives. “You just have to take it one day at a time” is the best advice I got from one of the nurses that day.

The news was so heavy and I didn’t have the energy to process. I was just concerned with getting my baby home and caring for her. I wanted to feel like a normal mom and pretend like this didn’t happen. I felt like once we told people it was real. We told our immediate family and a few close friends. Luke bore this burden so well for us. I couldn’t formulate words, so he took on these hard conversations and I’m so grateful for this.

After all of this we had to leave the hospital without Harper. I was unbelievably exhausted from the birth and Harper’s diagnosis, it was actually nice to go home and sleep in my own bed, but the longing for Harper to be with us was so strong. Nine days after her birth we got to take her home and it was a glorious feeling. Harper may not have been born on her due date, but she came home on it.

2 Comments

  1. Lindsey White

    She is beautiful! My little girl has Downs and she will turn 6 this July. This is a journey that I would not change. I am not sure why God chose me and my husband to take care of her I am so glad he did. ❤️

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