When thankfulness is delayed

Thankfulness. It is certainly the word of the month as we draw near to Thanksgiving Day. And as I’ve been mulling over thankfulness, I realized something. There is a certain depth to thankfulness that is delayed. A thankfulness that comes later. 

It’s easy to be thankful in the moment for apparent good things. I’m thankful to receive a present for my birthday or a yummy lunch out with my husband. I’m thankful the kids slept past 7 am as I lay in the warmness of my bed. Thankfulness is an easy response. 

When thankfulness is hard 

But what about the things that are hard in the moment? I know thankfulness isn’t the immediate response for me. I wasn’t shedding tears of thankfulness when we received Harper’s Down syndrome diagnosis. My heart wasn’t grateful to sit next to my son’s isolette in the NICU for 66 days straight. As we waited for Harper to walk, I wasn’t thankful for the slow development. And thankfulness is not what comes to mind when I’m still changing diapers even though we’ve reached a potty training age. 

But there are seeds of thankfulness that grew and sprouted because of all the hard circumstances we journeyed through. It’s a thankfulness that comes with time, perspective, and an eye for seeing the good. It’s why I can say there is gratitude for walking through a Down syndrome diagnosis, a long NICU stay, development delays, and potty training – well this last one I’m still waiting for my thankfulness to sprout, but I know it will one day. 

Thankful for Down syndrome 

As the doctor walked into the room and told us that our daughter had Down syndrome, our lives were forever changed. And while in that moment I did not feel thankful for this life-changing moment, I can now say I’m grateful.

Because Harper has opened my eyes to the world of disability. That is not something to fear or pity. That different doesn’t mean bad. And I’m not sure I would get to experience the beauty of slowing down if not for having a child with a disability. So, I’m thankful for Down syndrome. 

Thankful for the NICU 

We spent 9 days in the NICU with Harper and 66 days in the NICU with Eli. Leaving my babies behind as I was discharged was a sharp reality check over my lack of control in motherhood. I felt helpless. Experiencing the NICU forced my hands open, surrendering my hopes and desires for motherhood to the Lord. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 9:10 ESV)

So, while the NICU was extremely challenging, I can say I’m thankful for the NICU. Not only because I recognize the NICU allows me to have two healthy children now, but I also got to tangibly feel the grace of God sustain me through one of the hardest seasons of my life. 

Thankful for development delays 

Harper didn’t walk till she was two years old. And there were moments it was really hard seeing all her peers take off on their wobbling two feet. But Harper was a super content little baby. So her prolonged lack of mobility was super helpful when I was working full-time and didn’t have a lot of childcare. This developmental delay saved us some money and I got to spend more time with my girl without sacrificing work time. And for that I’m thankful.

It takes some work to see the good in developmental delays. It’s not an automatic response. But with some reflection, I can often see that the blessings outweigh the bruises. (I’ll be over here trying to take my own advice and applying this to our current delay in potty training.) 

Practicing thankfulness 

Over the past few years, I’ve noticed a surge in thankfulness research and gratitude journals on Target shelves. Thankfulness makes you happier. Gratitude makes you more resilient. It helps strengthen relationships. And the list goes on. And I shouldn’t be surprised at all the benefits the research has revealed. Because all throughout the Bible God tells us to be thankful. 

And I’ve seen the benefits in my own life by practicing gratitude, by coming to a place of thankfulness even if it takes longer to get there. Because I know the trials I’ve endured have made me stronger, more grounded in my faith, and more empathetic to those journeying through suffering. And I’m thankful for this growth.