Potty training a child with Down syndrome

“I mean, I know he won’t go to kindergarten in diapers.” This was the statement that brought solace to a young mom in the trials of potty training. At the time I was newly married and even the thought of having a child was not on my radar. So, this seemed like a reasonable thought to alleviate the stress of potty training. 

But now as we embark on the potty training journey with Harper who has Down syndrome, I can’t fall back on thoughts such as those. Because she could go to kindergarten in diapers. And if that is the mark of success then I’m setting myself and Harper up for failure. 

Embrace her timeline in potty training

What we’ve learned is that Harper shows amazing growth when we embrace her timeline. And this includes potty training. I don’t know how long this process is going to take, but I know that setting a deadline will do us no good. Because we’ve learned that we need to go at Harper’s speed. Setting proper expectations and having a positive mindset, it’s the only way we will survive. 

While this post may appear to be about potty training a child with Down syndrome, it’s more of a guide on how to persevere when you don’t know when the trial will end. Because right now it feels almost unfathomable and painstakingly slow.

But we’ve been here before with other developmental skills. And we’ve seen her accomplish them, in her own time. So, now I just need to remind myself and apply all the things we’ve already learned. And maybe a point or two you can apply to your own unending challenge. 

Take it one day at a time

One of the best pieces of advice I received when we got Harper’s unexpected Down syndrome diagnosis was to take it one day at a time. I’ve revisited and written about this piece of advice over and over. It applies effortlessly to almost every situation, including potty training.

It frees me to just be present and work with her the best I can each day. If I start to think down the road that is when things seem overwhelming. And I start to fear situations that might not even be true. But staying present and in the moment is so helpful when you are working through something that doesn’t seem to have an end in sight. 

Celebrate all potty training wins

We talk about potty training as if it is one skill, but when you think about it, it’s a million little skills all compounding on one another. You need the self-awareness of needing to go to the bathroom, communication skills to tell someone you need to go, mobility skills to get to the bathroom and sit on the toilet, and the list goes on.

So, now instead of just waiting to celebrate that she is potty trained, we are celebrating all the little wins along the way. When we break down the goal of potty training into achievable steps, it takes the pressure off and alleviates the disappointment. Celebrating the little things helps you see the good even when it’s hard.  

Ignore the noise

In a quick Google or Pinterest search on potty training, you will see a plethora of strong opinions about the “right way” to potty train. I knew standard potty training strategies might not work for us. So, it was intimidating to even start the process. Then I was lucky enough to come across a book specifically for potty training children with Down syndrome. It was really helpful to read about strategies to not only try, but the ones we should just ignore. 

And for those of you parenting a child with Down syndrome the book is Potty Time for Kids with Down Syndrome: Lose the Diapers, Not Your Patience by Terry Katz and Lina Patel. It’s written by licensed psychologists with over 30 years of experience working with children with intellectual disabilities. Online is a noisy place, so it is important to find the right resources for your situation. And it might not be what the majority are harping on. 

Unique potty training challenges with Down syndrome 

We have unique and hard challenges parenting a child with Down syndrome. Everything seems to come with a dose of extra. The mainstream tactics almost always have to be adjusted. And it is exhausting. We have extra layers of complexity upon a task that most people find daunting and challenging for a typically developing child.

And there are times that I need to remind myself of this reality. This is going to be extra hard. And it’s ok to take it extra slow. It’s ok to take breaks and lean on others. But I also know there will be many sweet celebrations along the way. And we will arrive when Harper is ready.