Witnessing a miracle – life after the NICU

A wave of thankfulness washes over me as I watch my little children munch on veggie straws, flip through books, and jump off couches. I’m witnessing a miracle. It’s not hard to imagine a scenario that ended very differently than the two toddlers running around our home. For different reasons both my children defied the odds in some ways. 

My firstborn surprised us with Down syndrome. And our second showed up 8 weeks early needing an intricate intestinal surgery. Both my babies were in the NICU. Both beginnings led to times of waiting and uncertainty. But this rocky start to motherhood has given me perspective. 

The NICU is hard

Especially our experiences in the NICU. The NICU is hard. The mix of emotions as you celebrate the triumphs, but weep as you get into your car and drive away yet again without your baby. As you wait patiently for your turn to get into the game, instead of watching on the sidelines as the professionals do their job. Too weary to do much else, but still have to move forward in your day-to-day as days stretch into weeks into months. And I had to do it twice. 

The NICU was different each time. The first was relatively short but came with a life-changing diagnosis. The second was long but required life-saving surgery. But no matter the length of stay, it is still releasing control and entrusting your baby that just spent months developing in your womb. And it is painful. 

Is this motherhood?

When my babies were evicted from my womb, they didn’t come to my arms right away. They were both whisked away. I had zero control over the situation, inapt to be able to care for my babies in their critical state. And I was left in shock. Is this motherhood? 

But I learned something very early on in my motherhood journey. I’m not in control. And as counterintuitive as it sounds, this has led to freedom. The temptation to arrange every little detail of my children’s life lifted. And the burden of worrying lessened. And what I’m left with is the presence to enjoy the gift. 

God is in control

Because I know who is in control and God can be trusted. I’ve witnessed Him work in my life over and over. And this season was no exception. Surrounding us with people to care for our tangible needs as we made trips back and forth to the hospital. Being lifted up in prayer when we were dazed by the trauma of the situation. And giving us truths to stand on when everything else felt unreliable and trite. Gently walking me through the NICU, the hardest season of my life. 

Now as I watch my kids learn and grow, I’m not without the normal weariness and frustrations that come with raising children, but I do have an extra dose of thankfulness for having walked through the uncertainty of their births and NICU stays. And that perspective is a gift that I cherish. 

September is NICU awareness month. The NICU is a very difficult season. That’s why I’m thankful there are organizations that provide support for families in the NICU. One organization is Praying Through ministries. They provide care packages, prayers, community, and encouragement to families in the NICU. Would you consider making a donation to help families like mine? Donte now!