You never know when it is going to pop up. A reminder that your child is different. A few months after Harper’s third birthday, we went to an amusement park. Ride after ride Harper didn’t meet the requirements to participate. I knew she would love them, but I couldn’t trust that she wouldn’t try to undo her safety belt or stand up. So, if she couldn’t be accompanied by an adult it was a no go.
But what was so painful was seeing her peers enjoy all those rides. It hurt and was just a blatant reminder that Harper is different. But as I was trying to hold back tears, maybe because I was also hot and hungry, I glanced over and watched as she danced in the pathway, loving her time in the park. A big smile and sweet giggles rang out as she entertained other guests with her cheery attitude.
She didn’t know she was missing out on rides – only I knew that. So was she really missing out?
A change of perspective
Lately I’ve been reading a lot about positive thinking. Our brains are teachable, moldable by our thoughts – isn’t that crazy? We can actually change our brains by changing what and how we think about things.
Obviously there are a lot of things out of our control. I know first hand. An unexpected diagnosis and a long NICU stay were not on my short list of things I would love to experience in my life. But as I’ve read more on positive thinking and reflected on my past experiences, I can totally see how it’s your response to your circumstances that matters. And that you can control.
This insight has led to positive changes in my life across the board. But there is one big change that has happened in my life over the past few years and it’s how I view Down syndrome.
What I think about Down syndrome has completely changed since that April afternoon that we received Harper’s diagnosis. Once it was all fear and disappointment, but now there is joy and hope.
The Lucky Few
“The Lucky Few” was a statement I stumbled upon early in my Down syndrome journey. Created by parents ahead of me on this journey, they discovered the amazing and unique gift it is to parent a child with Down syndrome. They created a mantra that flipped the script to show new parents the joy, hope and fun of the Down syndrome world.
And as I heard and saw this phrase continually, it started to melt away my fear and uncertainty. I started to see the reasons why I was indeed lucky to parent Harper with Down syndrome. I didn’t know it at the time, but this is a perfect example of how positive thinking changed me.
The measuring stick matters
As I read through Harper’s initial evaluation from her preschool, it was painful. This piece of paper showed that she was not performing at her age level. We already knew this, but seeing it written down makes it more real. But I’m so glad that we had a starting point.
As the year came to a close and the end of the year evaluation came home in her folder, I could see all the amazing growth she had in the year. I chose to look at the areas where she grew, using her start as the measuring stick of her progress not the overall evaluation report designed for typical three year olds.
Choosing to look at her personal growth turned what could have been a depressing report to something worth celebrating.
She’s not missing out
There are gonna be plenty more experiences like I had that day at the theme park, where it will be obvious that Harper doesn’t fit the mold. That I will feel like she is missing out. Harper might not have been riding rides that day, but she was absolutely enjoying her day. I was the one missing out, not Harper. She was teaching me another valuable lesson in positive thinking – when you can’t ride, just dance instead.
